My annual Christmas rant: screw Bedford Falls… I love Pottersville

Every December, Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life plays over and over on television with the intensity of a Jimmy-Stewart-shaped drill boring into your head. This sickeningly sweet staple of Americana is forced upon us, slowly dragging us into its yearly theme of “good outweighs evil” or “everyone matters” or “friends and family are more important than money” or “even if you’re deaf in one ear you can be useful to society” or who knows what all.

Well, guess what kids. I hate this movie — except for one beautiful, touching scene.

When Clarance is showing Jimmy Stewart what life would have been like without him, Stewart runs through what used to be Bedford Falls.

It’s now Pottersville. And you know what? That’s a town I can live in!

Think about it: Pottersville has strip joints, gambling spots and booze flowing from the fountains. The library is open late and the police force cracks down on what matters: They look the other way when it comes to prostitution and spend their time rounding up vagrants and recluses.

And remember Nick’s? That’s the bar Clarance and Stewart get bounced from. Nicks closing statement to the hapless pair, “We serve hard drinks for men who want to get drunk fast and we don’t need any characters hanging around to give the joint atmosphere.” Hear hear! Nick’s is my kind of joint.

In comparison, Bedford Falls is a sleepy town where it appears “boring” is a zoning requirement. The only bar is Martini’s. And the best entertainment apparently comes in the form of high school shindigs on the gym-floor-which-opens-to-a-pool.

Pack up the U-Haul, honey. We’re moving to Pottersville.

Beetle Bailey puts the strip in comic strip

More creepiness in the comics today, this time from legacy comic strip Beetle Bailey.

Is this some kind of odd strip poker game? Camp Swampy’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy gone horribly wrong? Either way, I don’t need to visualize Beetle’s efforts to get a fellow soldier undressed. And I really don’t need to visualize where Cosmo will hide his cards after Beetle browbeats him into getting completely nude.

Shudder.

I guess this is what too much time without leave will do to you. Hasn’t Beetle been on base since the Korean War?

Comics that you don’t see on national TV but you should, Part I

Get to know these guys, because they will be rich and famous someday and you can say, “you knew them when…”

Or at least loan them some cash — which they probably need — and then when they don’t pay you back you can sue them for millions years from know when they’re fat and wealthy.

First off in my series of comics you should get to know… Red State Update.

These guys are brilliant. I love their humor. I can’t quite tell if they’re right-wing nutjobs or leftly wingbats and I think that’s great. (Maybe they don’t care about politics at all, but who cares. They are wickedly funny.)

They are from my former home of Tennessee, which is, perhaps, why I feel an affinity. They now live in Los Angeles, and I hope they get picked up by some major network.

I got hooked on them a few years back when they did a video that included a review of Brokeback Mountain. Check it out and then view every video they’ve done since.

Three of my personal favorite episodes:

Sheriff of Mousetown

George Tenet’s Sorry-Ass Book

Happy Independence Day From Red State Update

But check all their videos out.

Sexting in the Comics

I’m usually a big fan of the comic strip “Zits,” which features the cleverly drawn travails of  a high-school kid and his family. Today’s feature, though, is a bit disturbing:

I know the author is trying to pay homage to the tired “Love is…” comics. And he’s clearly mocking the trend of everyone and their brother putting every stupid screw-up on YouTube they’re able to shoot with their cell phones.

But today’s comic just comes across as creepy sexting.

My boyfriend is the president

No, I’m not Monica Lewinsky writing under a pseudonym. (Although if you’re out there Monica, I’ve always wanted to meet you. Please drop me a line.)

No, this is the latest creative video from our friends from Japan.

I was tipped to this video by following Josh Fruhlinger’s twitter feed. He’s the guy behind Comics Curmudgeon, which I follow religiously. Josh described the video as:

Greatest video of all time, fan-made Japanese political porn videogame trailer division.

I can’t top that.

Please watch.

Two points of interest for October 26

It’s my birthday.

It’s also the anniversary of the gunfight at the OK Corral.

One other point of interest: From Wikipedia — so take it for what it’s worth — Doc Holliday’s last words came after asking for some whiskey:

As he lay dying, Holliday allegedly asked for a drink of whiskey. Amused, he looked at his bootless feet as he died — no one ever thought that he would die in bed, with his boots off. His reputed last words were, “Well I’ll be damned. This is funny.” John Henry “Doc” Holliday died November 8, 1887. He was 36.

I’ve outlived Doc Holliday by 3 years, so I’ll be hoisting a glass of whiskey in honor of the gunslinger tonight.

Man, if we start bombing the moon, we’d better win

The USA is planning to bomb the moon tomorrow.

Amy Ephron is leading the anti-moon-war protest.

We’d better not be still at war with the moon in eight years. If we are, I’m going to be very upset. If we can’t get the moon to surrender ASAP, well, I think we should just pack it up and hand over the Superpower keys to China.

Moon photo courtesy of benswing via Flickr using the Creative Commons license.

My frittata

Here’s a pic of the frittata I whipped up this morning with tomatoes and Parmesan cheese.

I cook to deal with the basic stress of life. Well, I drink, too. But cook as well.

This turned out to be a nice little meal this morning.

Back to work tomorrow. We’ve got a series of nice stories we’re rolling out on the news Web site I edit, Texas Watchdog.

From the fates worse than death department…

This from KTRK ABC-13 via the Associated Press:

BRISBANE, Australia — An Australian woman was rescued after spending a week wedged between her toilet and the bathroom door, an official said Tuesday.

The 67-year-old woman, suffering from dehydration, was taken to a hospital after firefighters in the eastern city of Ipswich ended her ordeal Sunday by removing the bathroom door from its hinges, Queensland state government spokesman Chantelle Rule said. The woman, who is diabetic, was not seriously ill, Rule said.

The woman, who has not been named, fell during the early hours of July 19 and somehow became trapped with her feet stuck on either side of the toilet bowl and her body wedged against the inward-opening door, Rule said.

That’s not the fate worse than death, although I think we’re creeping close to the line.

Let’s concentrate on a key line from the story: “The woman, who has not been named…”

Now, if this happened to you and you were named? Well pal, there’s your fate worse than death.

Stupid is as stupid says (Alternative title: Hating the Internet and strangling bloggers)

More questionable quotes from yours truly.

I’ve been interviewed a couple of times now on new media and how journalists might continue doing investigative and enterprise reporting in a news environment wrought with cutbacks and layoffs.

One of those recent interviews was with PBS’ NewsHour with Jim Lehrer for an online segment on the future of investigative journalism. The reporter was following the discussion at the Investigative Reporters and Editors conference held last month in Baltimore, Md.

Anyway, I agree to be interviewed and, as is my style, I try to be funny. (I always forget that my attempts at humor are always hit or miss. And, frankly, mostly miss. If jokes had a batting average I’d be Bill Bergen.)

So during the interview I try to make fun of the fact that I wish I could still be working newspaper gig at The Denver Post or The Tennessean  in those papers’ golden ages instead of running a journalism non-profit outfit whose future is uncertain.

Here’s one quote that sounded funny in my head at the time: ”I wish the Internet had never happened.”

I also alluded to strangling bloggers who put me out of a job.

Ha, ha. Get it?

Funny.

Ugh.

Sorry bloggers. Oh, and sorry Mr. Internet, whom I now rely on for my complete livelihood.

Dunce photo courtesy of I like’s Flickr photostream via the Creative Commons license.